Dating: The good, bad and the valued

November 16, 2012

Dating, Happiness, Love, Relationships

Dating singles often seek a mate who is similar to themselves. But consider this: if two people are the same in a relationship, one of them is unnecessary.

by Dr. John F. Demartini — 

Did you know that in the center of positively and negatively charged particles is a point of light? The same is true for relationships — between positive and negative emotions you will find a similar center point of light, something also known as love.

Dating singles often seek a mate who is similar to themselves. But consider this: if two people are the same in a relationship, one of them is unnecessary. The purpose of a relationship is, in fact, to teach self-love of the disowned parts. Those parts are expressed through values. Each person has their own set of values, and no two people are exactly alike. Our values dictate destiny — anything that supports them is attractive, and anything that challenges them becomes a turn-off.

Values are created from the perception that something is missing, that a void exists. But, even The Law of Conservation says that anything perceived as missing exists in a form that has not yet been recognized. Do you feel you are missing something? Is that what you are seeking in a mate? Our values determine the way we conduct our relationships.

We can create one of three different types of relationships, each one with an entirely different outcome: a careless relationship, a careful relationship or a caring relationship.

A careless relationship is one in which you project and focus on your own values, without considering your partner at all.

A careful relationship is when you think in terms of your partner’s values, without considering your own. This one often is called “walking on eggshells.” Both of these are one-sided approaches that ignore the other person and create tension in the relationship.

The third type, a caring relationship, is one where you communicate your values in terms of the other person’s. You consider both sides simultaneously, expressing your love for yourself and each other. The definition of caring is knowing someone well enough to know their values and caring enough to express your values in terms of theirs. Whenever something supports your values, you remove the rules; alternately, when something challenges your values, you set rules. Nations do it, companies do it and you do it in your relationships. You set up rules whenever you feel your values are being threatened.

To find true love is to respect another’s value system, and be surrounded by love in new forms we did not recognize before. The purpose of all relationships, in fact, is to dissolve the barriers that keep us from recognizing the love that already exists, so we can express the love we ultimately are.

When standing face to face, each couple has a center point. Use dating as an opportunity to practice finding the light between you and the person in front of you.


Dr. John F. Demartini is a chiropractic physician, philosopher, author of nearly 40 books, inspirational speaker, the founder of the Concourse of Wisdom School of Self-Mastery and Leadership, and the creator of “The Breakthrough Experience.” 888-DEMARTINI or

Reprinted from AzNetNews, Volume 25, Number 5, October/November 2006.


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