Grieving when bad things happen

The fact is that most of us are feeling people, and we cannot relate or make sense out of someone who cannot feel.

by Rochelle Sparrow — 

There is no making sense of the tragedy that occurred in May at Virginia Tech. There is no making sense of what occurs inside a person who cannot feel for another person, and will murder or commit hideous crimes.

As humans, in our quest to have our world make sense, we may jump to many different conclusions about why bad things happen. In our search for the right answer, nothing feels satisfactory and nothing can explain why. We try to rationalize these unfortunate events by talking about the possible whys so we can intellectually process and understand them. The fact is that most of us are feeling people, and we cannot relate or make sense out of someone who cannot feel. For most, the human experience is to feel.

As far as our personal spiritual growth is concerned, these tragedies may serve to enrich our own journeys, because we so deeply want to understand them. As horrible as these events are, they paradoxically act as a motivating force through our own empathic grief or compulsion to ask why they occur.

We reach greater depths inside ourselves, because we cannot make sense of the evil these events represent. Some people may give up on their quest to find meaning, get angry or even conclude there is no higher power. Others may experience the death of disillusionment and find life on the other side.

There may not be any one answer, because finding meaning or understanding is such a personal inner journey. The process of finding meaning may be never-ending.

Years ago, the news showed a snippet about the Holocaust Museum. In one of the museum’s display windows was a pacifier. A pacifier. The voice of the segment’s narrator was even and casual as he described the items in the case. Probably not because he was unfeeling, but perhaps because there was too much to feel. Sometimes we distance from what is happening in this world because there is too much to feel. It hurts.

Be grateful for your ability to embrace your grief. Be grateful for your ability to identify with people. It could have been you — it could have been any one of us. Be grateful for your gratitude that yes, you are alive.


Rochelle Sparrow, MSW, provides psychic trance-channeled sessions for individuals, couples and groups. She is the featured channel on Shirley Maclaine’s site, hosts “The Rochelle Sparrow Connection” and is an author. 602-430-6447, or

Reprinted from AzNetNews, Volume 26, Number 3, June/July 2007.

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