Spiritual dating: A new frontier

By loving yourself, you take the need out of dating. You are happy and fulfilled on your own.

by Amy Leigh Mercree —

How many dates have you been on that have amounted to nothing? If you are like many people, it is probably a lot. While going out may often seem like a waste of time and energy, that little voice inside is likely telling you to persevere in order to find someone worth meeting.

Enter spiritual dating — the solution for busy women (and men). Spiritual dating is the answer if you are looking for a new paradigm to create more self-love in your life, which is the key.

In this case, spiritual does not necessarily mean religious. It means conscious and mindful. Maybe you enjoy yoga, like to help the environment or are interested in exploring different forms of spirituality such as Taoism, Buddhism or Unitarianism. Regardless, you are looking for real depth in a relationship.

To become a spiritual dater, practice the following:

Cultivate self-love. Self-love is the key to a satisfying love life. Choose yourself first, and you will attract the best dates and have the most fun.

Take the need out of dating by loving yourself. If you are happy and fulfilled on your own, a great date or relationship is the icing on the cake. On those first dates or at the beginning of a relationship, that air of self-reliance and a bit of mystery will make you very compelling. We all appreciate those who are content with themselves and emotionally healthy. The goal of spiritual dating is to enhance each other’s fulfilled life.

Consider yourself sacred. Learn how to feel sacred, which means that you are precious and a treasure of true beauty. This level of internal self-acceptance creates feelings of emotional safety and is crucial for finding a soul mate with whom you can enjoy an emotionally mature partnership.

Consider your date to be sacred, as well. If you cannot see your date as sacred, then he is not right for you. You will create a pleasurable, loving relationship by remembering this.

Make sure your date sees himself as sacred. You can usually figure this out by date number three. Be observant and notice how he talks about himself. Does he engage in negative self-talk or exhibit self-destructive behaviors? If he does and if you are a spiritual dater, skip him. Your time is too valuable.

Ask yourself if your date sees you as sacred. Notice his behavior toward you. Does he engage emotionally in an authentic and kind way that feels right? Or simply ask him. If he is not on board with mutual sacredness, you will save time and energy by seeking a different guy.

Pay attention to how he treats you. Does he open doors? Is he fully present and really listening? Does he treat you with complete respect? These are the starting points to determine if he sees you both as sacred. Listen to your intuition — you will be able to sense the vibe quickly and easily.

Spiritual dating is about feeling satisfied and enthusiastic when meeting new people. Date on your terms. Do not settle for less than the sacred, emotionally safe love life you deserve.

Once you have cultivated self-love and have recognized your sacredness, you are ready to invest some time in dating. Choose to take it slowly at first.

When you find the man who fits these criteria, start spiritual dating. Get to know each other. Give yourselves time to connect before jumping into the land of intimacy and hormones. Those lust chemicals can make an OK guy seem like a sensitive Adonis. Keep a clear head and evaluate your compatibility.

At the same time, make sure you have fun, you click with each other and that an exciting chemistry is brewing. Inquire about his plans for the future and compare them to yours. Are they compatible? Create a brand new paradigm in your love life. You can do it.

Amy Leigh Mercree is a spiritual dating coach and medical intuitive who has facilitated workshops, classes and private sessions. She is the author of The Spiritual Girl’s Guide to Dating: Your Enlightened Path to Love, Sex and Soul Mates. www.spiritualgirlsguide.com.

Reprinted from AzNetNews, Volume 31, Number 2, April/May 2012.