Say one thing — Do the same thing

Sometimes we say to ourselves, “I just forgot.” But really, the issue is not that we have forgotten, but rather that we did not follow through on what we said we would do.

by Dr. Steven Patascher — 

Most of us want to do the right thing. Even when we succumb to temptation, most of us regret that we could not rise to the occasion and bring out our higher self.

Certain of our behaviors are automatic. We do not even realize we are not acting from our higher selves. For example, a friend or business associate might ask us for some information. We answer with something like, “Oh, yes, I will have to look that up for you and let you know.” The only thing is, we never get back to them.

Or say we get a call from someone while we are already on the phone talking with someone else. We say to the second party, “I will have to call you back.” Only, we don’t call them back, and the second party has to call again, at which point we exclaim, “Oh, yes, I was just going to call you.”

Sometimes we say to ourselves, “I just forgot.” But really, the issue is not that we have forgotten, but rather that we did not follow through on what we said we would do. Saying one thing and doing it is a wonderful opportunity to build trust. How else is another person going to know we can be trusted in other situations if we are not trustworthy in the present situation?

Why is trust so important? Being trustworthy develops the inner moral fiber of one’s being. It also is a quality that enables us to build an authentic relationship with another person. If the other person does not know whether they can trust what we say, how can anything of substance be built between us and that person?

In addition, we do not always hold other people accountable when they say one thing to us, but do something else. Sometimes we worry that the other person might get angry, or the boss might not give us the plum assignment, if we hold them accountable. However, when we lack the courage to say what we believe or worry about the consequences of speaking up, we become enablers for the person who says one thing, but doesn’t do the same thing.

There are consequences to saying one thing and doing another. Most importantly, it cuts into our ability to experience truth. While we live this untruth, it limits our ability to expand our consciousness. This leads to emptiness, sadness and depression which, in turn, can affect the physical body. In addition, we don’t develop quality relationships with people. Rather, a relationship develops where I do not tell you the truth and you do not tell me the truth. An inauthentic agreement ensures an inauthentic relationship.

Life is an inner-being expansion, and moral development is key to our health and happiness. Saying and doing the same thing is something that can be practiced easily. As we practice, it becomes a habit. We find that we can rise to the occasion and bring out our higher self. We begin to notice that we are a person of our word and that we have the capacity to develop authentic, meaningful and rewarding relationships.

Steven Patascher, Ph.D., is a certified professional coach (CPC) who works with people from all walks of life.  He resides in Arizona, but coaches clients by phone from wherever they reside. 602-595-2390.

Reprinted from AzNetNews, Volume 25, Number 1, February/March 2006.