The quantum leap

“Give up your lust for growth.” — White Eagle

by Scott Kalechstein — 

Ever since I was a teenager, I have been a seeker, a student of truth, wisdom and healing. Seeking, which lit a fire under my behind for many years, eventually became an identity, a hiding place, and a wheelchair that I was sitting in to avoid walking my talk and expressing my highest self powerfully in the world. A pair of crutches serves beautifully while someone’s legs are gaining strength, but at some point they need to be discarded for the journey to proceed.

I began to question my status of seeker-hood at A Course in Miracles conference where I was singing in 1993. I had gone to my room to take a nap, and I was awakened after 10 minutes by a powerful urge to go straight down to Tom Carpenter’s workshop. Tom serves as a channel for Jeshua Ben Joseph, more popularly known in this culture by the nickname Jesus.

I was excited! At that time I didn’t often receive what felt like inner direction to go anywhere. I assumed I was going to get some pearls of wisdom at the workshop to assist me in my life. I walked into the room, and Tom/Jeshua/Christ was fielding questions. I held my hand high, and he met my eyes immediately.

“Do you have a message for me?” I asked. “I was awakened in the middle of my nap and told to get down here. What guidance do you have to offer me?” I waited, opening my heart and mind for some pearls to come forth.

His gentle answer shook my soul and rocked my world: “Why do you assume that you were guided to come here because you had something to receive? Perhaps you were awakened from sleep because you had something valuable to give.”

His invitation to a shift in perception floored me. I had been seeing myself as someone who was broken, and on a quest to be successfully repaired. Jeshua saw me as whole and complete, and here on a mission to give my gifts. He invited me to make a quantum leap — to give up this business of seeking and, instead, be about my Father’s business.

Releasing the habit of seeing myself as damaged goods has been quite a process for me. My ego is acutely skilled at jumping in to present evidence in the courtroom of my mind that makes a case for my inadequacies. When I lend the power of my belief to such self-prosecution, I am motivated to become a seeker and, like a fish going off on a search for water, I journey near and far to find something that isn’t lost and fix something that isn’t broken. The world is full of seekers, people operating from the mistaken premise that there is something wrong with them. As Swami Beyondananda is fond of saying, “There’s a seeker born every minute!”

My seeking has led me to all kinds of teachers, methods, practices, books and workshops. I regret none of these life experiences, for they all have broadened me as a person. But there came a time when all of them seemed to be saying the same thing: “Give up seeking. Stop searching for truth and start living it. Stop fixing yourself and start extending your love. That’s the only way you are going to find out that you are already whole.”

The problem with seeing yourself as a seeker is that no official ever comes along and says, “OK, you have successfully graduated from the school of seeking. You now are a powerful being, whole and complete, with permission to share your gifts and uplift the world.” Or, if the official does say that, you may have gotten so comfortable in the identity of seeker-hood that to just believe them and discard the role is too threatening. But we all discard it eventually. The call to awaken becomes far more compelling than the familiarity of slumbering.

I used to set goals only for what I wanted to achieve, receive, manifest and accomplish. Now I set my goals and focus on the gifts I want to give. With my sights set on giving, I magnetize all I need from the universe to take the next step and each step after that. I love watching how life supports those who support life.

I used to believe that I must become perfect, or close to it, before I could offer myself to God and to the world. Now, although I still have a pesky inner critic occasionally trying to talk me out of self-acceptance, I have fired him as my guidance counselor.

I have learned to listen to a wiser and far more loving guide within me. Now I can say, “Hey, I am not perfect, and I probably won’t become so in the near future. I choose to give of myself anyway, warts and all. God, use me thoroughly, all of me, including my apparent weaknesses. In fact, let my warts serve as an inspiration so that others might see me and say, ‘He’s out there sharing his gifts wholeheartedly, and with such obvious imperfections. Maybe it’s time to offer myself wholeheartedly as well.’”

It may seem outrageous and maybe even a little arrogant to behold yourself as whole, capable and good enough just as you are, but there is no humility in the comfort of a wheelchair when you have been given the power to walk. I challenge you, if you have been sitting on your assets, to rise up and walk, dance, serve, and give of yourself with all your heart and soul. If you are waiting until you are perfect, you will put it off forever. If you dare to start living as if there is nothing wrong with you, life will meet your dare and put you to work. And in doing God’s work, you will be far too busy and happy to spend another moment trying to fix yourself.

We have been napping, you and I, and we have been dreaming a frightening dream. In our nightmare it seemed that we were broken and guilty, but now are waking up to the truth that we are whole and holy beings, warts and all. This is the quantum leap, the end of the illusion of original sin and the opening of the gates to heaven on Earth. Please do not wait another moment for permission to enter. It’s your own consent you have been waiting for.

Scott Kalechstein is a counselor, coach, minister, inspirational speaker, recording artist, a lighthearted miracle mischief-maker, and modern-day troubadour. Scott’s writings are not intended to diagnose, treat or cure any illness or medical condition. If while reading you laugh your head off and your heart opens, but symptoms still persist, please see your doctor. 415-721-2954, [email protected] or www.scottsongs.com.

Reprinted from AzNetNews, Volume 27, Number 6, December 2008/January 2009.