Soul mate — friend or frenemy?

So when you get down to the nitty-gritty of soul mates, the real one — your one and only soul mate — is you.

So when you get down to the nitty-gritty of soul mates, the real one — your one and only soul mate — is you.

by Sherry Anshara — 

Much mystique surrounds the idea of a soul mate, especially the delusional notion that a soul mate is the romantic lead in the screenplay of your life. Not that a soul mate cannot be romantic, but more times than not, soul mates come into your life in all kinds of guises. You write the scripts, you cast the players and, amazingly, you even stage the performances. You will always be the central figure in your screenplay.

During your lifetime, you manage your roles — sometimes easily and sometimes not so well. Basically, when you are caught up in the search for the perfect person, you forget that it is you who is the perfect person.

The proverbial search is always outside of yourself — searching, searching and more searching for the validation of a soul mate to fulfill your life. More times than not, your life is not a playful play but a series of trauma-drama soap operas because you are not connected to your Self. You seek outside approval and outside connection, which wastes far too much time and effort. Look inward instead.

There is no such thing as a single soul mate outside of you who completes you. This does not mean you cannot have a special love in your life. But if you look objectively at the people in your life, you can love them all in different ways. Each one is a specific soul mate to you for very definite and different reasons.

It is how you define the individuals in your life that determines how your soul mates contribute to or diminish your journey. You brought them into your life, so make sure you understand why you have included them. Whether romantic, friend or frenemy — you chose each and every one.

Soul mates come in all forms in your casting call: close and not-so-close family members, longtime friends and even those who come in and out of your life. These are the ones you do not see very often; yet, when you do see them, it is like time never passed. You pick up right where you left off. There is a certain comfort and security in these soul mates who appreciate the reciprocity of the relationship without the emotional baggage of some of your other soul mates.

Soul mates can even come in the form of frenemies, the ones you consider your challenges. You get it, the ones you have labeled as being against you. These individuals also come in many forms: co-workers, family members, sometimes parents, and even significant others or spouses. Oops, what happened to that romantic soul mate idea?

Everyone with whom you interact in a perceived close relationship is actually in your cast of soul mates and are either contributing to or testing the script and the dialogue you write for each other. Whether you are consciously aware of it or not, the soul mates who test you the most may be the best contributors to your script. They may be the ones who offer you opportunities to become more objective and less emotional about your Self. These challengers may present you with your best chances to overcome some of your deep core issues. How perfect is that? Soul mates are amazing.

So when you get down to the nitty-gritty of soul mates, the real one — your one and only soul mate — is you. Do not waste time searching or putting it out there in the Universe that you need a soul mate to complete you. You are already complete and whole when you accept and recognize that you are your own ideal soul mate.

The rest of the cast are those soul mates who come into your life to interact with you, teach you, trauma drama with you, play with you, and add flavor and spice. It is not always the length of time you shared with a person, but rather the quality of time you shared that makes the difference.

So stop wasting time searching for your ideal soul mate. Appreciate your Self first. Be the best soul mate to your Self. Now you can appreciate and enjoy all the people in your life — in whatever roles they play in your script. Here is to our many soul mates.


Sherry Anshara is a medical intuitive, author, founder of the QuantumPathic Center of Consciousness, creator of the QuantumPathic® Energy Method and founder/president of the Blended Healthcare Consortium in Scottsdale, Ariz. 480-609-0874,, or

Reprinted from AzNetNews, Volume 32, Number 3, June/July 2013.


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